This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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