Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
