Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I bet he comes in French.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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