I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize