your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
