i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
