playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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