Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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