Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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