I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
