Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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