I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
