ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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