Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i think i have herpe
just one?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
