eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
