I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
