I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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