Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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