my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Sorry my hands just texted you
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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