I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Drunk is not a location!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
