Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
