just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
