Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
