Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
