So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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