I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize