We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize