Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my shit smells like andre
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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