It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
