my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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