She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
