Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
