When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
