wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
