haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
