I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
