Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
