It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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