he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
