I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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