Kiss
Puke
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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