I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
