I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
