I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
