Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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