He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
