i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
