Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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