and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
