I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
