Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
