the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
