Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
