i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
