Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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