I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
