guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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