if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
