I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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