Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
