I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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