I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
