watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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